The Encounter

I had the coolest dirt bike ever. I don't care what anyone says, my dirt bike was premium awesome. Back in high school, I would ride my red Phantom-X 3000 dirt bike everywhere. It was my best friend, well not literally (that'd just be weird).

I had the whole "motocross style" too. I had the helmet, the snazzy boots and even the colourful jumpsuit. I was all ready to go except for one crucial component, the motocross stache.

No dirt bike rider ever became anything without a solid stache, its in the job description.

One sunny day, I was out on the back trails hitting the jumps when I noticed something in the bush. I hopped off my bike and moved closer. It was an old monopoly box. Bewildered by its location, I decided to open it up. It was sealed shut, I found this very strange. Then I noticed some strange lettering on the side, it read: knock twice. Without thinking again, I proceeded to do so. Suddenly, the one and only Monopoly Man popped out!

"Hello!" he greeted me, "I am the Monopoly Man! I am here to grant you one wish."

"Whoa!" I gasped, "Wait i second, I'm confused. I have three questions: first, that is a killer stache!"

"That's not a question."

"Oh, right. Two, I didn't know you were real!"

"That also isn't a question," he sighed burying his face in his hand.

"My bad. Three, I thought only genies granted wishes?"

"False," he countered, "Many things grant wishes; genies, fairies, shooting stars, ruby red slippers and even I, that Monopoly Man."

"Righteous!"

This was quite the predicament for me; I could have anything I wanted. I could have fame or fortune. I could have women or wisdom. I could have peace or power. Though I had so many options at hand, I knew there was only one thing I truly wanted.

"I wish I had a killer stache like you!" I blurted out proudly.

"Seriously?" his jaw dropped, "That's it?"

"As serious as my failing math grade!"

"Okay," he sighed. With a flick of his wrist and a wink of his eye, he was gone.

Sure enough, there upon my face was the mightiest stache any known man had ever seen. It was so thick and luscious. It was clean and groomed. It was perfect. That was the first day of the rest of my life.

Just Desserts

You would never have guessed what happened to young Billy Olsen in the summer of '96. It was a warm August evening when 13 year old Billy caught a glimpse of a strange figure in the woods behind his grandparents cottage. The sky was burning with shades of red and orange and the sounds of crickets were ringing in his ears. The other boys had already gone back inside, but Billy was trying to savor every last second of daylight, like implanting a still photograph in his mind to last through the night.

He had not heard a sound from the figure but it was the silhouette that caught his eye. It was some sort of animal, or a monster, standing tall behind the row of evergreens. Billy quivered in fear at first, but his curiosity slowly got the best of him. Billy angled himself in order to get a better look at this beast, he couldn't make out much except for the creature's eye, which seemed to flash the word "iPod" before closing. Billy knew he should take this as a sign to run, but he was young, and far too curious. He needed to get closer. Billy walked wide around the trees in hopes he would not be noticed. As Billy slipped between two mighty ferns, he froze as he heard an aggressive grunt. Billy hesitated momentarily before pressing on. As Billy slowly crept past the trees the creatures shape was even clearer against the now dark blue sky. It was massive; eight feet tall at least. It appeared to be a deer, or something like it, but not quite the same. His left antler stood one foot higher than the other, but both were exceptionally huge. Billy had never even dreamt of such a creature. Billy suddenly felt hopeless, like his shoes were stuck, he knew he should run but he could not bare to move. Billy wanted nothing more in life than McDonald's, except this giant monstrosity. Billy finally decided to try to tame the wild beast and make it his own. As he took his first step forward the creature turned and jolted towards him. Billy was digested within 30 seconds. And I swear to you, that is exactly how it all went down.

Literature To Chew On

Ever get half way through a really good book and start to wonder what that book would taste like? Me neither, but apparently some people do. So, let's just say (just for fun) that I had to choose 5 pieces of literature to feast on, at one delectable buffet, what would they be?

1. Reader's Digest- This is a given; if there is any piece of literature in existence that is meant to be eaten, its this. I mean, look at the title!

2. Chicken Noodle Soup For The Teenage Soul- Come on, its edible and its intended for me. Why wouldn't I eat it?

3. The Audacity of Toast- There was a version actually printed on toast. I would eat this even if I wasn't being forced to.

4. The Smallest Book In The World (by: Josua Reichert)- At 2.4 x 2.9 mm this book is bite size, literally. I probably wouldn't even have to chew.

5. Animal Farm- This book is ridiculously short, and its full of animals. Its a quick light meal to say the least.